january
January 3rd, 2024
Happy new year, I've been featured on federiefederi's website. So that's pretty awesome I think. I think I'm doing a little bit better than I was last week, but I did get really sick yesterday which kind of sucked. I also literally just had covid like a week and a half ago, so getting a bad stomach bug yesterday was Not Fun. But I am feeling better today!! And I'm trying to go into the new year with good energy (but we'll see how long that lasts lol).
I started a couple new pages on here last week too during my big updating spree, I now have a snake ranking page which I'm super excited about! I have two snakes ranked on there currently, and a couple in the queue that I need to draw. But I've been making my own stamps for the page too which is super fun :)!!!
I'm not really sure what else has been happening. So much Christmas. Like infinite Christmas. I think we did the last gift exchange of the season last night but there was so much gift giving and holiday stuff it was kind of ridiculous. But that's ok, I had fun with it. I also got a PS2 and Persona 3 FES so I've been playing that like crazy!! I played I think a third of it with an emulator before I had to kill my old laptop, so it's nice to have a working Playstation to properly play the game with. Also the box is so cool. It came with the game manual which I wasn't expecting, and just having the physical game is so exciting. I also can play DDR at home on a console, which is also very fun.
I think that is everything I care to talk about. I will write soon. I am feeling a bit better than I have, and want to keep using this energy towards this website, because I really like working on it. It's been a fun project, and I hope you all see more of me in 2024 (that does not feel like a real year. what the hell).
- ☀️
January 17th, 2024
I have to write this quick because I have to leave the house soon, but sorry for the gap in updates! I haven't been fronting very much the past few weeks and also it's just been pretty busy overall. But today we are starting college. Which is weird, and making me want to front a lot less. I still want to update consistantly it just might not be very big updates I guess.
I have some new graphics and stuff I'm using though, which is nice. And my snake collection is going super well. I hope to update that again soon, I already have two more snakes drawn for it, I just need to write about them haha.
Sorry for the small updates and short entries, but hopefully I'll be back to work on this soon.
Write more soon!
- ☀️
January 23rd, 2024
I need a fish tank. I want a fish tank so bad I want to fill it with cherry shrimp and a snail. I am getting super into aquarium youtubers and I so badly want to get a fish tank to put stuff in. I actually drew me standing in front of a fish tank. I am going crazy. I keep watching these videos and I think I could take care of shrimp super well. I have taken care of a lizard and a toad before, and they both lived their full lives. I think snails are super cute too, and would want one for my tank I also would want to start small, with a like 10 gallon tank or maybe something smaller to just put some shrimp in and a little snail. Real plants, I like hornwort a lot, it's really pretty. Also like a good sized rock or something to put in the tank, but I have a bunch of those already. One day I also want to get an axolotl, or maybe a different lizardy amphibian, but man. I really want a shrimp tank. I really really want a shrimp tank.
Things have been busy lately, school, more chores, lots of. Events I guess. I haven't been fronting as much the past week or so. Which honestly is fine by me. I really hate leaving the house. We are doing therapy though, and some people like the therapist more than me, I just. Again. Don't like leaving the house or talking to people. I am getting a bit better at talking at all though, which is good. I have been able to mask a lot better.
Currently I am hungry. There isn't a lot of food in the house that isn't like. For cooking. I'm also notoriously picky, which doesn't help. I've been thinking about fish a lot. Both keeping them as pets and also eating fish. I want to eat fish so bad. I pirated an aquarium game so I could just have some dopamine with fish.
We've also been playing a lot of Persona 3 FES. Like. A lot. It keeps getting really frustrating because we keep dying (which frustrates some people more than others), but it's been fun to play. We are almost caught up to where we were when all of our progress was lost, which is nice.
I also want to do a big revamp of the assets I made for this website. I want to kill that stupid home button, I'm gonna make a smaller one that just. Looks better. Or maybe just have a bar on all the pages like I do on my homepage. That might look better. I have been updating my snake shrine a lot though, so please check that out if you haven't.
I think that's everything I want to talk about. I'll write soon I guess.
- ☀️
January 31st, 2024
I. I don't know. I'm doing bad again. Which sucks. I feel like I go back and forth so frequently, one day I'm perfectly fine, happy even, and then everything falls apart the next day. And all the sudden I'm depressed for a week and cry off and on and can't bring myself to do anything. We went to the arcade for a little bit today. There wasn't really anything to do after we got out of class, and some people up here really wanted to go exercise and play DDR. I like DDR, but I can also just play it at home. I really only want to go out to play it at the better arcade with the DDR A machine, and also with Hamlet. And not after a mind numbing class.
I kinda just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. It just feels. Useless. Everything. Nothing sounds fun, nothing sounds exciting, nothing fucking matters. We played Undertale Yellow today. That was fun. Very good game. Made us cry.
I want to feel something. I want to stop being sad all the time. I want motivation to do things again. We went to class today. I do not like my professor. Or just the class in general. It's a reason to leave the house I guess, but I don't feel like I'm learning anything. I'm super understimulated with all of this I think, and I have to write an essay by friday.
I really don't want to be here. I'm starting to be passively, no. I think I'm actively suicidal again. I've been passive about it. The voices keep getting louder though. I don't know how to talk about it. I should be fine. I really should. There's nothing wrong with me. I am fine. I should be fine. I.. I'm really tired.
I'm just really tired. I don't know what to do.
I don't really have a passion right now. I'm trying to force myself to front more, at least I have this website. Other people don't have anything. I'm lucky.
I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe I'll feel better then.
Write soon, and happy early February.
- ☀️
